Why is it hard to find Christian husbands?

  breadcrumb arrow   Rahul's Essays   breadcrumb arrow   Why is it hard to find Christian husbands?

By Rahul Gladwin | June, 2012.

NOTE: This article is purely satirical..........is it really?

We keep hearing about the shortage of good quality Christian husbands and Christian men in general. This is one of the reasons why we keep seeing single 30+ year old women at church. So, here is a list of top 10 qualities all Christian women would like to see in their potential, God-picked life partners:

1. Most women in America, irrespective of race, customarily seek a white boyfriend because Jesus was white.

2. Must possess the looks of Brad Pitt, brains of Einstein, and the income equivalent of 7 astronauts.

3. He must absolutely have no chest hair, should wax his arms and legs, and undergo weekly facials, pedicures and manicures.

4. Must be a Harvard-trained, born-again, politically correct, gender neutral, pro-choice, altruistic, medical doctor who constantly flaunts Facebook pictures of himself feeding poor children and puppies all over the world - especially in that African country most people cannot even locate on a world map.

5. Must own several mansions across the US and Europe, yet, drive a really small, environmentally friendly, Japanese-made, solar-powered car with a huge, pink, breast cancer awareness bumper sticker on the trunk.

6. Should cry like this guy during emotional scenes in romantic movies with cute love stories.

7. Must religiously visit the local upscale gymnasium - in tight leggings - in order to maintain his 20 BMI, but spend more time in the aerobics room doing yoga and meditating in front of a portable Bodhi tree.

8. Should be a born-again virgin, staunch vegan, animal rights activist, PETA member, and a militant liberal. Should deservedly participate in anti-drilling demonstrations near Russian and Japanese oil rigs.

9. Should play his guitar for babies and small furry animals, and smile whenever kids and squirrels cross his path.

10. Should be more spiritual than religious and believe that God is a light emanating from a 100W light-bulb; furthermore, show disdain for organized religion, Republicans, NRA members, smokers, and SUV drivers.

11. Must drool over the latest episodes of Sex and the City.

12. His favorite outfit should be bright red slim-fit jeans and a pink blazer.

13. As a display of extraneous sophistication, must carry a Starbucks coffee cup and a Gucci man-purse with the following contents: additional Starbucks coffee, napkins, lip balm, hand cream, cologne, iphone/ipad/ipod, the latest edition of Artibus et Historiae, and a Chihuahua.

14. Should prefer sushi, tofu, tiramisu, kashi, folie deux cabernet sauvignon, and other fancy-sounding New Age foods over beer, burgers, and French fries.

15. Must make vehement efforts to appease everyone - especially immigrants and minorities.

16. Must attend church 4 days a week, sing and dance in the first row with his hands up.

BONUS: Must hate Trump.

The rest of the guys can pretty much go to hell.

Additional Readings:

Science Articles

1. The Big Bang: Proof that the Universe is Expanding

Business Articles

1. Corporate Failure: The Enron Case

Personal Experience Articles

1. My Experience during the Iraqi Invasion of Kuwait
2. Why did I become a doctor?

Philosophy Articles

1. The Existence of Matter
2. What is Time?
3. Life in a Drop of Water
4. Why I Support Mercy Killing

Short Stories

1. Voices from Hell: My Experience in Mussoorie, India

Religious Articles

1. One Powerful Prayer written by an Anonymous Author

Internet/Technology Articles

1. How to Stop Feedback Form & Guestbook Spam
2. How To Optimize Your Web Server

Product Reviews:

1. Review of the HMT Janata Hindi Dial wrist watch
2. Review of eBoundhost VPS hosting
3. Review of Delta Roma Imperiale Fountain Pen

Miscellaneous Stuff

1. Body-Mass-Index, Waist-to-Height Ratio, Body Fat, Basal Metabolic Rate Calculator
2. Pictures of old Kuwaiti Dinars
3. My First Computer - Pentium with Windows 95
4. Why is it hard to find Christian husbands?
5. Video of American Robin feeding her chicks
6. Signs you're being married to for Green Card
7. Micron to Grit Conversion Calculator
8. Grit to Micron Conversion Calculator

Guest Articles

1. Tips For People With Disabilities Who Are Ready To Run For Office
2. How Employers Can Use Technology to Support Employees With Disabilities
3. Rebuilding Your Medical Practice After a Setback

Random Pages:

The Existence of Matter Why is it hard to find Christian husbands?
Video of me playing Unknown Easy Blues Piano Notes on Integument
Notes on Lymph Nodes of the Axilla Notes on Bacteriodes and Prevotella
Notes on Lipid Mobilization and Catabolism Notes on Inferential Statistics
Effects of Drugs on Fetal Development Notes on Jaundice
Notes on Basic Gastrointestinal Physiology Voices from Hell: My Experience in Mussoorie, India
Why is it hard to find Christian husbands? What is an ELEK`s Test?
Why did I decide to become a doctor? Medical School Admissions Essay Video: Titanic Piano Theme: The Portrait
Corporate Failure: The Enron Case My Experience during the Iraqi Invasion of Kuwait
USMLE Blood Lab Values Regulation of Heart Rate by Autonomic Nervous System
Images of Antibodies Video of me playing Hagood Hardy`s "Children of the Dream"
Generalized vs Specialized Transduction Differentiation and Anatomy of a Blastocyst
Notes on Cell Components Notes on Nervous Tissue
Voices from Hell: My Experience in Mussoorie, India Video of Cardiology Examination in a Clinical Setting

Please Do Not Reproduce This Page

This page is written by Rahul Gladwin. Please do not duplicate the contents of this page in whole or part, in any form, without prior written permission.